For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted "to be" a woman. I was born a boy in a traditional Chinese family.

Back in the 80s and early 90s, transsexuals in Singapore were associated with the sex trade and the spread of HIV/AIDs. To reveal my gender orientation would have been suicide.

And so I held my womanhood within me for two decades until I couldn't hold it in anymore. I attempted suicide by swallowing 40 panadols.

 

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How the Law of Attraction Changed My Life

But the "shame" did not stop there. When I told my family and friends about my desire to go for a sex change operation, I was told I was crazy, no man would ever love me, I would be stigmatised for the rest of my life and I would die of AIDs. As much as I defended myself outwardly and eventually went for sexual reassignment surgery in 1997, deep down I believed their words to be true. Subconsciously I co-opted their prejudices and cynicism.

My self-loathing, which was incubated at youth and festered in adulthood, became more intense as I entered the working world. For every step that an average executive took, I felt I had to take a few extra steps in order to be on a par with them in the eyes of my employers. "It's so unfair!" I used to remonstrate with God. Along the way I achieved sterling results and proved myself to be ahead of the pack, yet I felt more bitter and resentful than ever before. My competence was never called into question at the workplace, but my colleagues often complained about my terrible anger and mood swings.

My relationships were a disaster. I was hungry for love and eager to prove that I was able to "find" a man who could love a woman "like me". I gobbled whatever scraps came my way. Almost all - yes, as appalling as it sounds - almost all of the men who entered my life used me for sex, then cast me off like a rag doll after they were done. Their parting note? "You're not a real woman." Sadly, the more shabbily I was treated, the more I craved shabby treatment. I kept attracting emotionally unavailable "users" into my life. This did not stop until very recently - and here's the part where I tell you how it all stopped.

In February 2006, my spiritual guide advised me to read Lynn Grabhorn's Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting: The Astonishing Power of Feelings. I read the book and was very impressed by what Lynn had written. I tried to "feel" great for 30 days, but all I could manage was one day!!! I looked around me and the circumstances were terrible. I had a stable but small income and the wonderful man who would transform my life still had not appeared. I quickly forgot Lynn's advice until November 2006 when a random stranger gave me The Power of the Subconscious Mind by Dr Joseph Murphy as a gift. Dr Murphy says pretty much the same things as Lynn except that he gives more examples of daily affirmations we can use. This time my enthusiasm lasted for a week before the harsh reality of everyday life overwhelmed me and drowned the belief that I could create a life of wealth and abundance with my thoughts and feelings.

Just as I thought I had come to the end of the road with the subconscious stuff, I met an American lady called Michelle who was in Singapore for a job interview. She waltzed into my friend's cosmetics shop where I was helping out. When I asked her, "How are you today?" she replied, "Well, what's the one thing that bugs women most?" We said in unison, "Men!" We hit it off from the word "go". As we chatted, she asked if I had heard of The Secret, which had recently been featured on Oprah. It suffices to say I went home and looked up the DVD on the Internet, bought the book from Borders and then joined Bob Doyle's WealthBeyondReason.

I was hesitant to sign up for the programme at first - after all, hadn't I tried many programmes before in the past and failed miserably? Why would it be any different this time round? But I was desperate to do something about my life. The light within me had been snuffed out. I was involved with a who was clueless about my past. I was also about to publish my autobiography From Leonard to Leona, the first transsexual autobiography in Singapore, so he would find out sooner or later. Eventually, I revealed my past to him and he left me. That was when I had finished Lecture 1 on the WealthBeyondReason programme, and I had just started using the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT).

I was distraught, not so much because the guy left me, but because it seemed all my relationships were doomed to failure - there would be no light at the end of the tunnel. My family and friends were right after all. It was then that I began tapping according to the instructions in the free EFT manual, and once I tapped, I couldn't stop. I tapped on so many things until I fell asleep, exhausted. When I woke up the next day, I would tap again. It was then that I realised why I had failed in the past - there was too much resistance within me. It was no use thinking and feeling great thoughts when my subconsious was telling me something else!!! I couldn't fight the undercurrent of bitterness, fear, anger and resentment I had built up over the years. With EFT, these feelings dissolved within days. Without struggling with these feelings, I could focus on creating a bright, beautiful reality for myself.

I tapped on the abuses hurled at me throughout my life:

"You are such an unfilial son!"

"You are so disgusting! How can you want to be a woman? What will the neighbours say?"

"Sissy! Ah Kua! Bapok! Pondan!"

"No man will ever love a person like you! Why would a man go for you when he can have the real thing?"

"Why do you want to leave your stable job to start your own business? Do you know how many businesses fail?"

"Why don't you find a stable job with a stable income like everyone else?"

"Society will never accept people like you"

"I cannot love you because you're not a real woman. You should be content with the brief moments we shared together"

"You seriously think a man will want to marry you and adopt children with you?"

"You must try to find a man before you reach 35, otherwise it's over"

"You are so beautiful, too bad you are not real"

The list goes on. And so did the tears when they rolled down my cheeks. I knew I was angry, bitter and resentful, but I did not know that there was this vast reservoir of pain hidden deep within me - this colossal resistance that was snowballing within me, and which prevented me from vibrating at the highest level to attract great wealth and abundance into my life.

After about a month of serious tapping, meditating on the WealthBeyondReason mp3s and reading the fabulous words of writers like Wallace Wattle, whose ebook comes with the programme, I feel like a new person. No kidding! It's like a veil has fallen from my eyes. Issues still crop up and I'm still tapping, although not as frequently as before. Yet I will describe the shift that's taking place within me as paradigmatic. I can't believe I let those men into my life - really, I can't believe it. It's as if I'm looking at someone else altogether. But I take responsibility for attracting them into my life.

As I tapped, I also realised that I had been neglecting my business. And so recently, I officially launched my integrated communications business Talk Sense and built the corporate website from scratch. I made a public commitment to my profession. Guess what? I've been receiving new business referrals every other week. Truely!!! Instead of worrying about my business failing, I'm now vibrating thoughts about an office with a spectacular sea view. I'm claiming this as a reality. Whenever resistance rears its ugly head, instead of being bitter about it, I just tap it away with EFT! It's that simple - and with habit, it becomes simpler still.

I've also finally published my autobiography From Leonard to Leona on my website at www.leonalo.com. Meanwhile, I'm actively researching into internet marketing and affiliate programmes through the resources recommended by the WealthBeyondReason programme. There is so much to do - and so much that I enjoy doing - that I've no time to think negative thoughts and feel negative feelings. They still crop up every now and then, but I've got EFT to deal with them.

I believe that I'm already wealthy and fulfilled, married and contributing. I can see the beautiful house with a sea view that my husband, children and I live in. I can see the sincere, faithful, magnanimous and caring man I'm married to. And I will not settle for anything less - because I'm worth it. For the first time in my life, I can say I deserve to be treated with love, dignity and respect. For the first time in my life, I can really see and feel all these things in my life. They are in my life because I've attracted them, because I desire them and because I deserve only the best.

It's tremendously liberating to fully appreciate that you can create the life you desire. If you are ever in doubt, use EFT to clear the doubt away, and continue creating your bright, beautiful life. Just create. And you can start here.

 

Source: IS magazine